Select Page
Be Real! (Part Three)

Be Real! (Part Three)

by | Jun 10, 2020 | Influence, Leadership

This post is the third and final post of the Be Real series.

In the first post, I shared to be a REAL influencer you need to be relevant.

In the second post, I shared that REAL influencers are empowering. I unpacked a great tool called the support challenge matrix as a guide to becoming a liberator of those you lead.

In this post, we will look at the last two ingredients to REAL influence.

BE AUTHENTIC

Authenticity is being true to one’s character, a person of integrity. 

I like to think of integrity as an intangible glue that holds everything together. 

Think about these references to integrity; the integrity of a ship’s haul, the integrity of a suspension bridge. 

When a ship’s haul loses integrity, it is time to abandon ship. Or, if a bridge loses integrity, it’s no longer safe to drive on.

So it is with life. When integrity fails, everything begins to crumble.

My good friend, Lance Witt, teaches the idea that we each have a front stage and the backstage to our life and leadership.  

The front stage is our pubic world. The backstage is our private, unseen world.  

Authenticity asks, “Is there congruency between the private and public world?”

To live an Authentic life requires intentionality. In a recent post, “Somebody’s Watching Me,” I shared the “Know Yourself Lead Yourself” tool. You and I each have tendencies that inform our actions. When we live accidentally, instead intentionally, it will cause breaches in our integrity.

BE LOVING

The last ingredient of REAL influence is love.

People don’t care who you are, what you do, or how much you know until they know how much you care.

There are many ways to demonstrate love. We can use our words. We can express it through our actions. Even the gift of presence in difficult times can show love to those in need.

When it comes to REAL influence, a component of love that is sometimes under-leveraged is challenge.

Truly loving someone, will cause you to not allow the person to stay stagnant or to live below their best self.

Love should drive us to empower and liberate those we influence by calibrating support and challenge.

As I look back over my years of leadership, I like to think of the people who have had the most significant influence on me. 

I am thankful for a godly, wise pastor who entered my story when I was a 25-year-old brash youth pastor. 

He made himself relevant in my life. He empowered me to lead by supporting and challenging me.  

He consistently modeled authenticity and integrity. He loved me through all my faults.  

He had REAL Influence in my life. 

I hope that you have someone in your life who has done these same things for you.

More importantly, I hope you will commit to practicing REAL influence in the lives of those God has put in your story.

BE REAL! (Part Two)

BE REAL! (Part Two)

by | Jun 3, 2020 | Influence, Leadership

In the first post of this series, Be Real,” we looked at being RELEVANT.  If you have not had the chance to read that article you can read it HERE.  The second characteristic of REAL influence is…
 

EMPOWERING

Thinking back to my early days of leadership, I am so thankful to have been in an empowering environment. I made a lot of mistakes and did some crazy things. But my leaders gave me a go and didn’t give up on me when things didn’t go so well. Empowerment requires a culture that allows people to get knocked down without the fear of being knocked out.

So how do you build an empowering or liberating culture? The Support Challenge Matrix tool gives a picture of four types of leadership.

 

 

Source: GiANT Worldwide, LP

Protector

There are leaders who are really good at supporting the people they lead. “Man, you are doing a great job.” “You are so awesome.” But, they have a really hard time to bring a challenge. These leaders are protectors. This kind of leadership breeds a culture of entitlement and mistrust.

Dominator
The second type of leader finds it really easy to bring challenge, but difficult to offer support to the people they lead. This leads to a culture of fear and manipulation.

Abdicator
Then there are leaders who neither bring support or challenge. Maybe as a result of burnout or being checked out. These people abdicate their leadership and cause apathy and low expectation.

Liberator
However, when you, as a leader, can calibrate support and challenge to the individuals you lead. You create a culture of empowerment and opportunity. This is what my pastors did for me in my early days at Christ Fellowship. They were my liberators who empowered me to continue to grow. Your influence will be REAL with the people you lead as you continually look for ways to calibrate support and challenge in each individual’s life, empowering them, and opening opportunities for their growth.

In the next post we will look at the third characteristic of REAL influence, authenticity.  Until then I want to challenge you to find ways to individually calibrate support and challenge to each individual you have the privilege to lead.

 

BE REAL! (Part One)

BE REAL! (Part One)

by | May 27, 2020 | Influence, Leadership

I remember coming out of the office and calling my wife, Lisa. She asked, “How’d it go?” My reply probably sounded a little crazy. I said, “Actually, I’m not sure if I am about to get fired or if I am getting a raise.”

I had just come out of, what was the first of many, “coaching” sessions with my new pastor and boss, Tom Mullins. I was a brash 25-year-old youth pastor, who thought I knew everything there was to know about leading at what was for me a new level.

We had just moved from a small town in Kansas, where I served at a church of around 300 people. However, the youth ministry was “the hottest thing going” for students. Oh, did I mention the population of the town was 12,000 people? So, when we came to Christ Fellowship (the largest church I had ever seen up to that point), and the youth ministry had fewer students than the small church we had just left, I thought I had a lot to offer. 

What I soon found out was that I had A LOT to learn. And over those first two years, my pastors helped me do just that. The truth is, there were many “come to Jesus” meetings in that first couple of years. But, literally, I would leave each session knowing that I was being challenged to change while at the same time affirmed and shown grace and loved. 

It was a great lesson to me of the power of influence that one person can have in another person’s life. Influence: The act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command. Best-selling author and CEO of GiANT wrote, “Influence is the most potent and underutilized professional resource on the planet.” Leadership is influence.  

As I think about Pastor Tom’s leadership, and the leadership of others, who have had an influence in my life, there are four characteristics that each demonstrated at some level. Four things that put together over time made each one’s influence REAL in my life. I believe these four characteristics will make your influence REAL in those you have the privilege to lead.

 

RELEVANT

The definition of relevant is having a significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand. I remember having a conversation with my then 12-year-old daughter on the way home from school. She was frustrated because she could not see why algebra had any “relevance” (she actually used the word) to her life. I gave her the typical parent answer… “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but one day…” (insert weird face)

Here’s what’s true. If you and I are going to have influence with the people God has placed in our path, we need to position ourselves in a way that we have relevance to their lives. 

The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:19–23

“Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ.  When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings.” 

Three principles…

1. Paul was intentional

I have become a slave. This had to require empathy: the capacity for understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another person.

The good news is empathy is a skill that can be developed. I know because several years ago, I stunk at empathy! But, over the last seven years, I have been intentional in growing my capacity to understand and be aware, and to the best of my ability to experience the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others.

2. Paul was purpose-driven

Paul was driven with the passion to all see people come to faith in Jesus Christ. Look back through the passage, and you will see four times Paul says, “When I was with…” Purpose compelled him to be relevant to each group of people he was with. He wasn’t trying to be cool, look good, get a promotion, more Instagram followers. Paul knows that he had to connect with people to have the influence to see his purpose fulfilled. 

3. Paul was strategic

He said, “I try to find common ground.” My mom is 78-year-old. One of the many things I love about my mom is how she downloads and tries to figure out new apps on her iPhone. She, many times will tell me how she is learning and using new technology. Why, because she wants to be able to find common ground with her grandkids. Strategic!  Now, when she figures out TikTok, I will have to tell her she’s gone too far. If your influence is going to be REAL, you will have to be able to find common ground, to relate, and show relevance to those you lead.

In the next post, we will look at the second characteristic of REAL influence, empowerment.  I will share a tool that will dramatically change the way you approach leadership.



 

 

Somebody’s Watching Me

Somebody’s Watching Me

by | May 20, 2020 | Influence, Leadership, Personal Development, Self Leadership

In 1984, a Motown label, one-hit-wonder by the stage name of Rockwell, released his debut single, “Somebody’s Watching Me.” The chorus declares, “I always feel like somebody’s watchin’ me, and I have no privacy.” The chorus ends with the question, “Is it just a dream?” I can’t speak to Rockwell’s level of privacy, but to answer the question, no, it is not a dream. Somebody’s always watching you.

Observe, Opinion, Opportunity

In his new book “The Sequence to Success: Three O’s That Will Take You Anywhere in Life,” leadership architect, author, and change strategist Samuel Chand shows that there is always a sequence to success in life. Success is the result of someone observing, forming an opinion, and deciding, as a result, if or if not to give an opportunity. I believe that the COVID pandemic has offered a fantastic opportunity for some and, unfortunately, a reality check for others. Individuals who’ve stepped up to challenges resulting from being forced into new rhythms are being observed, opinions are going to be formed, and opportunities will come as a result. For those who have shied away from the challenges, or have not handled the pressure well, it should not be surprising to think that future opportunities could be fewer.

I was reading in “Transformed: 7 Pillars of a Legacy Minded Man,” a YouVersion reading plan, the idea that “persona is our default way of interacting with the world around us. But, frequently, our default persona is most clearly revealed in times of crisis.” The same devotional went on to say that when a crisis hits, “Your persona will either rise up to keep you going or crumble beneath the pressure.” The writer gives the analogy, “When you squeeze an orange, tomato juice doesn’t come out, orange juice does.” The question is, when you are squeezed, what comes out?

Know Yourself Lead Yourself

Recently, I taught a webinar on the importance of continually improving one’s self to be ready for any season of leadership. (you can watch that webinar here). I shared a helpful tool, “Know Yourself, Lead Yourself.” It’s a great visual showing how tendencies have the potential to shape one’s actions. Our tendencies are a combination of nature; what is hardwired from birth, nurture; the unique experiences and environments that form one’s life, and choices made. They create patterns of behavior. And, when a person is squeezed, those tendencies can be amplified.

However, when we are aware of our tendencies, we can act and/or respond, not accidentally, but intentionally. Intentional actions result is better consequences and leads to the desired reality closer to the way we want to be experienced by others. A great question to regularly ask is, “What’s it like to be on the other side of me?” Honest feedback from trusted people will assist in your best self, showing up in both good times and in seasons when the squeeze is on. Remember, someone is watchin’ you. They are forming opinions and deciding if you are a leader, they can follow.

Rock Lock: Finding the Hidden Keystone

Rock Lock: Finding the Hidden Keystone

by | Apr 29, 2020 | Leadership, Personal Development, Self Leadership

My favorite television genre is reality TV. Especially anything having to do with treasure hunting. My wife thinks it is ridiculous that I believe the Ark of the Covenant could have been transported by the Knights Templar to a remote island in Nova Scotia and buried deep below the ground to hide it from society. Okay, I don’t believe it’s the Ark of the covenant, but there is something buried on Oak Island.

My favorite of the reality shows is Gold Rush. Gold Rush: White Water, a spin of the original Gold Rush show. It aired the first of its three seasons on January 19, 2018. The show follows the adventure of a father and son duo, known as the “Dakota Boys” and their crew as they seek a fortune in gold. Their method; scuba diving under the plunge pools of large waterfalls on McKinley Creek in Haines, Alaska, and suction dredging (basically a big vacuum hose) the surface below.

The cast of Gold Rush: White Water

Rock-Lock

In season three, episode thirteen, The crew encounters an issue that hinders their goal of getting to bedrock gold. The hindrance is called “Rock Lock.” Over many years, the raging waters of McKinley Creek carry material, including gold-rich gravels, small and medium-sized rocks, and massive boulders down the creek. This all piles up in the plunge pool below as it tumbles over a waterfall. The material is then compressed down by the pounding water of the falls. As a result, the rocks get locked into place.

The Keystone

It becomes a struggle for the diver to move any of the rocks out of the way. The only way to move the pile of stones is to find the one “keystone” rock that unlocks the boulders. Once that one keystone rock is found and removed, it is more easy work to move the remaining stones. It hit me, rock-lock is what happens to so many people in so many areas of life. Rock-lock happens in relationships; it happens in organizations, and it can happen to an individual’s personal life.

Like a raging river, life is continuously flowing, many times at a torrent pace. Circumstance, crisis, poor choices, bad breaks happen, and like boulders, life can pile up and make us feel locked. But what if one keystone decision or action could unlock the area of your life? What if one move could make it easier to dispatch all the boulders, exposing the gold that lays on the bedrock of your relationship, your organization, your life?

My Experience With Rock-Lock

In 2012, I went through a leadership struggle. The pace of life and leadership was moving at a rapids pace. A situation with a staff member here (boulder), a re-org of a department there (rock), unresolved issues from the past (stones), and some deficiencies in my emotional intelligence piled up. Add in a bit of pressure, and life and leadership compressed to the point where I was stuck. I was rock-locked. Reflecting on that season, I see now that there was one keystone discovery that unlocked my leadership and allowed me to begin moving the boulders that had piled up. That keystone, for me, was empathy.

I realized that I was significantly under leveraging the emotional skill of empathy. I started working on increasing that one emotional skill and my leadership momentum unlocked, liberated to be able to continue “dredging” the potential of my leadership influence.

The tool that helped me discover that I was under-leveraging empathy is call EQ-i 2.0. I am now a certified EQ-i Coach.
 

What About You?

So what about you? What if one decision or action could unlock your leadership, your marriage, your business, or your organization? Rock-lock happens, the fix is to patiently and deliberately search for the keystone. When you find it, you are on your way to bedrock.

I would love to hear your thoughts and stories of how you have seen this principle in your life. You can share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Leadership Tool: Provisional Plan Promise

Leadership Tool: Provisional Plan Promise

by | Apr 22, 2020 | Leadership

Does this situation sound familiar? You’re in a conversation where you, as the leader of a team, process an idea, finding out only a few days later that someone has taken an initiative to start working on something that was only an idea. Or maybe you are the team member who thought something your leader shared was ready to be executed, only to find, after hours of hard work, that your leader had no intention of it to be completed. What happened?

What happened is a pervasive communication issue. On any team, certain personality types tend to live in the “what if?”, what could be, future tense. Other personalities are very comfortable, planted in the here, and now present tense. This gap can cause a breakdown in communication.  Here is a simple tool that can help resolve this issue. It’s called Provisional, Plan, Promise.

Source: GiANT Worldwide, LP

Provisional

What’s being discussed is no more than verbal processing. It’s ideation and shaping how the future could look. However, nothing said is intended to be a final decision.

Plan

What’s being discussed is going to happen. Due diligence and pre-work are complete, and unless something significant or unforeseen happens, the plan is ready for execution.

Promise

A guarantee that what’s decided is going to happen regardless of any circumstance. As it’s said, “come hell or high water,” it will happen.

By using Provisional, Plan, Promise, clarity comes to topics of discussion. As a leader, when discussing an idea, one could say, “This is only provisional. We are throwing ideas out there to see what sticks.” A leader could also state, “This is the plan. We are moving forward with this idea. And, unless something happens to derail the plan, we are moving forward.” Promise emphasizes the absolute certainty of the plan.

The Provisional, Plan, Promise tool allows for the verbal processors to speak openly without concern of being held to an idea. It also allows those who feel the weight of execution to relax and participate in ideation, knowing it will be evident when the plan is ready for implementation. Most importantly, it eliminates confusion and frustration that can happen when team members are operating on different assumptions.

 

Join the Newsletter

Stay up to date with what I am thinking and reading. Each month you will receive my newsletter with 1 leadership thought, 2 recommendations of books, podcasts or applications, and 3 of my favorite quotes of the month.

We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at any time.
Powered By ConvertKit